Twenty years

I was lying on my mattress in the middle of the work day. I was in the middle of an empty house. I could not back out of the wedding now. Who says yes to a marriage proposal because they are afraid to say no? We had bought this house together. That was twenty years ago this week. I was grieving and scared how much worse things were gonna get, what I could do to prevent him from getting upset. Please just let me go back home to my apartment… I was staring at the ceiling and feeling like there was no escape from this future. But now, it’s now. And this now is something that no one could ever convince would happen. The more I lose, the more room opens up to things I wouldn’t have dared to hope for twenty years ago this week.

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